Home – Phil Wickham
Come riding on a rushing wind
Blow through our hair and touch our skin
I want to feel You now like I felt You then

Strip away my calloused heart

Set Your arrow hit Your mark
Bring me back to where love starts
Bring me back to where You are

Father I’m running Father I’m coming home
I cannot go on
Your child is running, Father I’m coming home
Back where I belong

I know You’ve heard this all before
When I’m down and crying on the floor
Saying I want You and nothing more

But I’m breaking in my heart tonight
I’ve tried to stand I’ve tried to fight
But I cannot see without Your light
No I cannot breathe without You

When I saw you I was ashamed
You were pure and I was stained
But You ran to me and You called my name
There were tears of joy upon Your face

Ah! I’ve been listening to this CD, and this song in particular just stood out to me. I can totally relate to this song right now. I am tired…my heart is breaking…I’ve tried to fight…I can’t go on…and no, I still cannot see or breathe without Him. It’s funny how easily we can stray from God, yet He is always there, waiting for us to realize that we’ve screwed up and that we can’t do anything on our own. I haven’t been relying on Him…I’ll admit that. Instead, I try to rely on others…but a lot of the times I just feel like I’m fighting a loosing battle. Let me explain: my friends, the friends I consider to be my own circle of friends, aren’t always there for me. That’s not always a bad thing, but it’s true. They can’t help me in every situation, they can’t help solve all my problems, they aren’t there late at night when I need a shoulder to cry on, or somebody to give me a hug. But God is. Yet, we (I) still seek for something that’s physical, instead of something spiritual. I get let down so easily my ‘superficial’ friendships, by one-sided friendships…I’m really tired of them. The other problem that’s really been on my mind, and bugging me, is that I tend to get attached really easily to people who do show any interest beyond a one-sided friendship. So when I get left out of things, or certain situations and what not, it hurts more than it should. It’s funny cause I’m trying to wrap God around my mind…but it’s impossible. Ironically, I’m reading “Velvet Elvis” right now, by Rob Bell. (Well, I’ve started reading this book about five times now…but I’ve never really had time to really get into it, so I’ve always stopped reading after about 20 pages or so.) In the first chapter, or has he titles it, “movement”, Bell is talking about the greatness of God, and how infinitely big He is. How He is “bigger than our words, our brains, our worldviews, and our imaginations.” He is nothing tangible, nothing we can grasp, nothing we can see. He is soooo much bigger than any of our problems. He goes one to talk about how if you look at a book, it’s tangible, it has “thingness”. God doesn’t: “God doesn’t have thingness because there is no end to God.”

Yet here I am. Trying to understand God. Trying to get all my questions answered. Trying to fix everything.

And I fail…miserably.

I always do this to myself. I always try to fix things. And I know I’m not alone on this. And it gets me into trouble because it makes me stray from His side. Everything in my life right now can only be handled by God. The feeling of being tied down and smothered by my parents, the insecurities of not feeling like a burden to certain people, the proctection I want to provide for a friend in need….I can’t fix any of it. This song explains me oh so well right now. I want to feel Him now. I want Him to strip away my calloused heart. I want Him to bring me back to where love starts. He’s heard it all before, when I’m down and crying. But I cannot breathe without Him. He will always run to you and call your name. He will never leave your side. I don’t wanna leave His side either.


~ by Chile on 13. June. 2008.

2 Responses to “Home”

  1. Very human tendency. Needing people of course, even in the context of God being the greatest provider for us. He created us as social beings and it’s nice to know there are seasons in our lives that He has given us where the thing we do need are the right people around us. They aren’t perfectly reliable of course, but it’s inherent in us to need those people. And sometimes,… at the right time, they do save us. He has certainly put the right people at the right times; often I find awareness of that fact only in hindsight.

  2. So true. But there’s always that fine line of only trying to depend on those relationships that can get us to fall back from God. It’s definitely nice to look back on relationships and see how they were important to our lives in that moment, but it’s also great to be able to look at the people in my life now and see how they are affecting me at the moment. lol. I get nostalgic VERY easily.

    Anyway, I was once talking with someone about how in every person we encounter, every person that God puts in our lives, there is a bit of Him in them. We receive something different from every person, and it’s just a way God tells us “here I am”. I don’t know…maybe that sounds weird, and I haven’t explained myself well enough, but there’s a point to that somewhere in there…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: